For those of you who are reading this for the first time, I was drugged at the end of April during a
mom’s night out in my town. I blacked out after two drinks (and a sip of my third),
lost four hours of memory, and took an ambulance ride to the hospital where I spent
most of the night. It was an incredibly traumatic experience – both for me who overdosed,
and for my husband, who thought I was dying.

Jeremy and I shared separate posts on the drugging from our own perspectives, in an
attempt to spread awareness – which went viral within a few days. News outlets reached out for interviews, which I initially declined because I was overwhelmed with the attention. Now that I’ve had time (and therapy!) to start processing what happened, I’m ready to talk.

Of course, when you share anything publicly online, you open yourself to criticism:
– “Why didn’t your friends call 911? Why didn’t they know you were drugged right away?”
– “Why did your husband drive you home? Why didn’t he take you straight to the ER if you were in such bad shape?”
– “Why were you there without your husband? Women shouldn’t go out alone.”
– “Did you get a drug test? Show me the results.”
– “Why would you trash the bar’s reputation? It’s not their fault.”
– “I heard you were already trashed when you showed up to the bar.”
– “Prove it, or it didn’t happen.”

These are just a few of the comments, and of course the negative is always more impactful than the positive. But I will say that 90% of the messages I’ve received have been supportive. We’ve had friends and family in the early days drop off dinner, host playdates, and offer support in so many other ways. I’ve had an outpouring of support from strangers. That’s what’s been such a blessing in the midst of this – seeing what a wonderful support network we have.

As a result of sharing my story, 5 more people have come forward who have had a similar experience at
the same establishment. One, the same night that it happened to me. The police also received a tip
regarding someone who was already under investigation for allegedly drugging women, being there
that night. The validity of this tip is yet to be confirmed by the police. I don’t know what to believe – but the police are taking this seriously, and following up on all leads.

As far as the bar is concerned, I am incredibly disappointed their response – or rather, the lack thereof. To this date, there has been no public statement made regarding the incident. They have not acknowledged that this even happened, but have given the perception that they are the victim in my story because I shared that it happened there, and frankly – that approach is mind-blowing to me.

SO – how am I now? Physically, I’m healed. Emotionally, I’m angry.
– When I blacked out, I fell face forward on the pavement and landed on my forehead. The hospital didn’t follow concussion protocol.
– It took begging from my husband to get the hospital to run a drug screen. It didn’t happen until I’d had an IV in my system, flushing out toxins for some time.
– He begged them to take my blood alcohol levels, and the response was “we don’t do that here”.
– I asked my primary doctor two weeks later to do a hair test – and their response was “there are no commercially available tests like that for date rape drugs”.

They simply weren’t equipped to handle this kind of situation.

The sad fact is that 1 in 6 women will be drugged in their lifetime, most commonly with ketamine, rohypnol, or GHB – and there is no reliable way to test for it. We lack national or even statewide testing standards and capabilities for these drugs, which results in victims being re-victimized after the fact. The police knew exactly what I was drugged with, after hearing only the first two minutes of my story, but my only proof will be if they can catch the person on camera. This is incredibly hard, even if there were adequate camera coverage.

It’s infuriating.

Why do we make it so easy to do this to people? Why do we put the burden of proof on the victims?
The police investigation is ongoing. With more victims coming forward, there is a lot of legwork
to do on their part – and while the person who did this to me may not see justice, I’m not letting this go.

I’m going yell like hell about this until something changes, because this is not just my story. This is the story of every woman (and MAN!) that has been drugged without their consent – who never asked for this to happen to them. Who doubted themselves, or were too afraid to come forward.

To you I say: I BELIEVE YOU, it is not your fault, and I will fight for you.

The post I was drugged. This is my story. appeared first on Smiedendipity.

Fortunately, the project should hopefully be wrapping up in the next month – Jeremy and I have a TON to share about our experience, and tips for anyone looking for build or renovate. We’ll definitely be blogging (and maybe vlogging!) about it once the project is finally done, and we’ve been able to breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe also have a spa day and find a therapist. The PTSD is real.

In the meantime, I wanted to check in and say Happy (?) 2022! We’ve been staying with my mom this entire time, and the kids loved having Christmas at her house – I think my mom might have loved it just a little bit, too. We are ready to get back in our house though, be done with our builder, and make it our home again.

Jeremy is going to be helping me with content and posts about what’s happening with our little family, so hopefully we’ll have lots of great things to share with you soon. I’ll also be posting some highlights from the last year as well, I can’t wait to share what we’ve been up to! With 2 kids 5 and under, working remotely, managing a renovation, and living away from home – life has been a lot to handle, to say the least.

I hope regardless of what is happening in the world today, you’re happy and staying healthy. Thanks for sticking with us!

Becky

The post A Cautiously Optimistic Hello to 2022 appeared first on Smiedendipity.

Much like with my pregnancy with Isla (you can read more about that here), I loved reading about birth stories and listening to The Birth Hour podcast to get exposed to all of the different experiences women have had.  I personally found it really helpful to get myself in the right mindset, and have an understanding of the many different ways birth can go.  So, before too much more time passes, I wanted to share my birth story with baby #2.

I was officially due on August 26th, and I didn’t share this during my first pregnancy, but I told everyone that my due date was actually 2 weeks after my real due date; I knew that first time moms tend to go over and I didn’t think I had to patience to hear anyone asking “you didn’t have that baby yet?!”.  Sure enough, I went 11 days over with Isla before I went into labor.  I understood however, that second babies tend to come sooner, so I didn’t feel the need to stretch the date this time.  Well, that bit me in the ass as I watched my due date come and go with zero signs of labor, and inevitably started getting texts everyday asking “where is that baby?!”.  The waiting game at the very end is so hard!

I watched the days pass as my hope of having an August birthday baby dwindled.  Then, on August 31st, I was woken up at 5am by a real contraction.  The kind that starts in your lower back and moves around to the front like you’re being squished in a vice grip from the inside out.  One that wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle, but was too painful to sleep through.  Over the next 15 minutes, two more hit and I started getting concerned.  I immediately went downstairs and laid on the couch to relax and try and time them. 

Over the next 3 hours, they came pretty consistently every 10-15 minutes, so I went upstairs to wake Jeremy and let him know that I thought I was in labor.  I also got SUPER emotional that this could be it, and that I was scared and a little sad that this could be our last day with just Isla.  By 8am, Isla came downstairs for breakfast, and I gave her so many snuggles!

The contractions kept up pretty consistently every 5-20 minutes all day, but never got any stronger, and they weren’t anything I wasn’t able to talk through – but by 4PM I was concerned enough to call triage to get their opinion.  They thought it would be a good idea for me to come in and get checked, so my mom came over to take Isla for the night, and we took our last photo as a family of 3.

As we headed to the hospital, my contractions were 5 minutes apart. By the time I was wheeled up to triage, my contractions spaced out to 20 minutes apart.  Unfortunately, when the midwife checked me, I was only dilated to 2cm and 80% effaced.  So, it was Prodromal labor (also known as false labor), and they sent us home.  I cried out of frustration and felt like I couldn’t trust my body to tell me when it was time.  Jeremy and I headed home, grabbed some Jolly Pumpkin to-go, then went to bed early thinking that things could pick up overnight. 

…Surprise!  They didn’t.  By the time I woke up the next morning, contractions had completely stopped, and I felt normal.  I took Isla to daycare, then signed into work for the day.  On lunch, I took a fast-paced 4 mile walk, and was swearing under my breath the entire time.  Still, nothing happened so we had a pretty normal rest of our day, and I was resigned to the fact that I would just be the first woman in history to be pregnant forever. 

At 4am on Wednesday morning, I was woken up by another real contraction, but this one felt stronger than Monday  Over the next 30 minutes, 3 more came – so again I went downstairs to time them.  These were again about 10-15 minutes apart, but still erratic, so I decided to stop timing them and just carry on with my morning.  Jeremy took Isla to daycare, and I signed into work.  Over the morning they were anywhere from 6-10 minutes apart, but by around 10AM they became strong enough that I had to get on my hands and knees on the floor to work through them.

Still, I refused to fall for another false alarm, so I didn’t believe I was in actual labor and felt like things could stop progressing at any moment.  I even did a few loads of laundry, and cleaned our bathrooms in between work emails just to keep my mind occupied.  By 1:30, I was hungry for lunch and decided to make a protein smoothie and lay down to see if things would slow down. 

So I laid in bed with my pregnancy pillow, and 15 minutes later I was hit with a contraction SO strong that I actually had to vocalize to get through it.  Within 5-6 minutes, I’d had two more that had me in tears – so I yelled to Jeremy that we needed to call triage.  He came upstairs, saw me, and said “forget calling, we’re getting in the car.”  So, he called triage while he loaded everything up, and we were on the road less than 5 minutes later.
  
I’m so glad he made that call, because while it’s only a 15 minute drive to the hospital, my contractions were strong and only 2-3 minutes apart.  I was that classic woman in labor, making LOTS of noise in the car.  So much noise, that I was making Jeremy a nervous wreck that I was going to have the baby in the car – in between contractions I would just grab his arm and say “It’s okay, I’m okay – take a breath.”

We did have a funny moment once we got into downtown Ann Arbor – Jeremy pulled up next to a police officer at a red light.  Hoping that he could get an escort to the hospital (traffic can be really crazy downtown), he rolled down the window, got the officer’s attention and yells “my wife is in labor!”.  The cop looks at him, smiles, says “congratulations!  Don’t get into an accident!”.  Jeremy, realizing that the officer didn’t really understand what he was getting at, yells back “okay well I’m about to drive really fast, so don’t pull me over!”, and we sped off.

We were about 4 blocks away from the hospital at this point, when I started feeling a lot of pressure – I didn’t say anything to Jeremy at the time, but in my head I was thinking please don’t have this baby in the car!  We arrived at the hospital about 5 minutes later – I was pretty much vocalizing the entire way up to triage, which probably startled a few people in the lobby

Once the staff in triage heard how frequently I was having contractions, they quickly got me into a room, where I heard the nurses say “I don’t think we even need to check her, she sounds like an auto-admit”.  But I didn’t want to be faked out again, so I asked to be checked.  I didn’t want to be sent home again!  Our midwife Lisa (who I’m convinced now is a complete angel – she was the calmest medical professional I’ve ever met) arrived a few minutes later, checked me with a surprised face and said “oh!  You’re at 5 centimeters! Great job!”.  I had a contraction just starting, so while I was ready to scream and cry from the pain, I looked up at Jeremy with a grimace on my face and say “yaaaay, I’m at a 5!”.

I knew this time around that I wanted the epidural right away, so they ordered that and then got me wheeled into my room.  I had about 30 minutes of contractions to work through before the anesthesiology team arrived, and I’d dilated another centimeter in that time.  The epidural went in quickly, but I could only feel it on my left side for the first 20 minutes so they had me lay on my side to get gravity to numb my right side. 

Shortly after I laid on my side, the nurse began explaining “your water hasn’t broken yet – so the midwife might offer the option of breaking it for you, if you’re interested”.  Before she could even finish the sentence, I felt a pop, and a HUGE gush.  I interrupted her with “uh…it just broke.”, and she and Jeremy both started laughing and said “really?!”.  Amazing timing. 

Thankfully, side-lying worked pretty quickly and I could no longer feel the contractions!  So Jeremy and I settled in to rest and wait for my body to do the rest of the work.  He ordered Zingerman’s Deli because I said that was what I wanted for my first meal after birth, and we were thinking we would have several hours before I’d deliver so we’d rather just have it there waiting. I was feeling better, and texted my mom “just got the epidural and feeling great!” with a photo of us.

We rested for about 30-40 minutes, when all of the sudden I became incredibly nauseous, anxious, and shaky.  I started crying because I felt really, really awful – like I didn’t have any control over my body, and I couldn’t understand why. I was shivering uncontrollably, which isn’t something I experienced with Isla.  Our nurse Suzanne (also amazing), suggested that the midwife check me because while this would mean things had progressed very quickly, that I could actually be in transition.  I didn’t believe it since labor was SO long the first time, but agreed to be checked.
  
When our midwife came back she checked me, and again with a surprised face and said “oh – you’re complete, and the baby’s head is right here!  I think it’s time to have this baby!”  Jeremy and I were completely shocked that I’d progressed that quickly – it’s amazing what the body remembers how to do once it’s done it before.

I started pushing around 5:45, and Sawyer George was born at 6:15!  It was so easy compared to the 3 hours I pushed with Isla, that I could hardly believe it was over. When they put him on my chest, Jeremy and I looked at each other like what just happened?

As we’re looking at each other and our new baby in shock, Jeremy’s phone is ringing.  He picks up and I hear “oh, sorry – my wife was literally just giving birth!  I’ll be down in a minute.”. 

Our Zingermans deli driver had been trying to get ahold of Jeremy, but obviously he wasn’t picking up because he was distracted.  The timing was perfect though, have a baby – get a deli sandwich!  I had the 00 – the Cuban Conundrum (my favorite!), and I ate the entire thing because holy cow is labor hard work!

I can’t believe how different my labor was this time around, if you remember, my experience with Isla was 30 hours and SO painful.  It just goes to show you that every birth is different! 

It’s hard to believe that our Sawyer bean is almost 5 months old now.  He’s the chubbiest, happiest little goofball and we couldn’t imagine our lives without him!

The post Sawyer George’s Birth Story appeared first on Smiedendipity.

The other morning, while snuggling with you on the couch, you put your tiny hand on my belly and said “Hi little baby! You feeling okay in there?” and gave it a big kiss. You are SO ready for your upcoming promotion to big sister…but are we ready to see you grow up? There is so much joy in this process, but it also feels so bittersweet.

I vividly remember getting two lines on the pregnancy test just a few days before Christmas, and crying hard. Not out of happiness, nor fear (okay, maybe a little shock), but mostly due to the fact that you weren’t going to be the baby anymore.

For 3 years and (almost) 9 months, it’s just been the three of us. Your dad and I taking a million photos/videos, hanging on to every milestone and every word you say, and saying to each other at least 20 times a day “She’s just the cutest.”.

It’s also been filled with us being pushed to our limits with your tantrums, only to get choked up at an “I love you mom and dad!”, or even just watching you sleep. I will always remember the days of just us.

You changed our lives in the most challenging, joyful ways when you arrived on that foggy Thanksgiving morning almost 4 years ago. Each year with you has been such a learning experience for us, one that has taught us compassion, patience, sacrifice, and unconditional love. We’ve grown up a little with you, and we’re so much better for it.

Although this is our second go around with a baby, it will be a lot of firsts for you.  It will be the first time in your life that you’ll have to share our attention, your toys, and your space.  It will be a lot of change – and I expect that might feel a little scary or frustrating for you at first, but just know that we will do our best to make you feel just as loved as you are, and always have been.  You were our first.

Now with just one month to go, we wait for our littlest one to arrive and complete our family. The idea of loving someone else as BIG as we love you feels impossible, but I know our hearts will grow, and just as you’ve been teaching us these last 4 years, you’ll show us the way this time, too.

We love you, sweet girl. Always.

Links: Maternity Dress | Eyelet Dress | Toddler Shoes

The post A Letter to Isla: Before You Become a Big Sister appeared first on Smiedendipity.

That was a lie. Sorry!

It was too early to announce then, but here it is: Baby Smied #2 is due to arrive at the end of August! We are relieved the secret is out – the first trimester is tough when you’re feeling nauseous, exhausted, in shock, and can’t tell anyone. Now that we’re through that, we’re excited to document the rest of the pregnancy. Isla is so, SO excited to be a big sister – and we can’t wait to meet this little one who will complete our family.

This was one of those planned, but also totally unplanned situations. We’d been talking about trying, and thinking it would take the better part of a year like it did with Isla. Well friends, apparently once you’ve been pregnant once, your uterus is basically like I KNOW THE WAY, and boom. Surprise!

How am I feeling?
As of right now, almost 4 months along, I’m just about back to normal. The first trimester sucks, but so far this one has been easier overall than my first pregnancy. With Isla, I was nauseous all day for about a month straight. I hated everyone, and food – it was miserable. Once my energy and appetite came back, I wanted ALL THE CARBS.

With this pregnancy, I was only really nauseous when I let myself get too hungry, or too full. I generally felt the worst in the timeframe after dinner until bed, which worked out great because it didn’t interfere with work. That really only lasted 3 weeks, and I was able to manage it pretty well with little snacks throughout the day instead of big meals.

Now that the nausea has passed, my energy levels are off the charts compared to pre-pregnancy, and I’m hungry ALL the time. The weirdest part? I crave red meat – I was concerned that this might be related to low iron levels, but testing showed they’re totally normal – this baby just wants greasy burgers and steaks. Every pregnancy is different!

With this being my second time around, my belly is already unmistakably out there – I haven’t been able to button my pants for a few weeks. With Isla, it wasn’t until about 16-17 weeks before I looked definitely pregnant rather than just a taco bell enthusiast. This time, it was about 13 weeks when there just wasn’t any hiding it anymore, although I’ve gained the same amount that I did by this time with Isla.

Are you finding out what you’re having?
We are doing the same as we did with our first pregnancy and leaving the gender a surprise until birth.

Does Isla know?
Yes! We waited until 12 weeks to tell her, because she loves to talk and we knew that she would tell everyone. She is really excited to be a big sister, but changes her mind every few days as to whether it’s a baby boy or girl. We’ll find out soon enough!

For those of you with 2+ kiddos – what were your favorite “big sister” books? I’m trying to find some for Isla, so she has a better understanding before the baby is born.

Now we’re really scrambling to figure out our renovation timeline – with this baby on the way, we need the extra room more than ever! Thanks for following along with us on this crazy journey – stay tuned!

The post A Smied Baby – Round Two! appeared first on Smiedendipity.

The real news: We’re renovating! 

We’ve gone back and forth between moving and adding on for the better part of 2 years. After running some numbers, looking at the (crazy) housing market, and considering our 5 year plans, it was clear that renovating would is the best option for us. 

So, here we are!  We finally pulled the trigger last fall and started working with an architect, and it’s been really exciting!

We’re adding a master suite, and a few bumpouts.  In the second phase, we’ll be gutting the kitchen, and taking down some walls to make our boxy 1900 layout more open.  Seeing the sketches of what our place is going to turn into, makes me so excited – even more so, I’m excited to be a part of this house’s story, leaving it in better shape than we found it.  Always be a good steward of your spaces.

The plans are about 60% done – we just got through the initial design phases and are moving on to the construction drawings soon. We’re enjoying the process, and will update here with our progress.

The post This Old House is Growing! appeared first on Smiedendipity.

Last year was challenging, busy, and full of life changes. Transitioning into being the parent of a happy little toddler to the parent of an adorable but completely irrational two-year-old. I also started a new job, working for the employer I’d been trying to get hired by for years – and I’ve spent the better part of the last year learning my new role.

With all of that being said, I’m sure you understand where I went. Life has been busy, and blogging is a big time commitment – so this place was put on the back burner.

Now that things have calmed a bit (not the irrational toddler part – we’re officially approaching threenager status), I feel like I have more time to come back here and share a little bit more of what’s been going on with us. While originally this was a DIY blog, this space will transition into more of a middle of the road home/family blog. A place where we can share what we’ve been up to, as well as all the love we’re still pouring into our old farmhouse. We’re planning a major renovation in the next year, so that’s exciting!

I guess I just came to say I’m still here, and if you’re still reading – thanks.

The post I’m baaaaaaack… appeared first on Smiedendipity.

Can you believe summer is almost over?  The weather says otherwise, but I’m seeing back to school and Halloween (!) items everywhere in stores…so I know fall is coming.

I don’t want to name drop, but yes. ELMO is in our class!

This summer has been a whirlwind of fun.  Our little lady is learning so quickly, is super curious about everything, and always on the go.  We’ve really just been trying to keep up, and wear her out with fun outside activities, trips to the splash pad on the weekends, and our favorite: swim class at Goldfish Swim School of Ann Arbor!

Not having any fun at all.

Yep, we’re back and having so much fun!  Last year Isla completed her Mini 1 classes, which got her comfortable in the water.  At 16 months, the little ones move into the Mini 2 class, where we start focusing on the mechanics of swimming unassisted.

High fives with her teacher!

Classes have a 6:1 student-to-teacher ratio, with more focus on unassisted kicking with a barbell, pulling paddle, underwater dips, unassisted gliding, wall holds, jumping in the water, rollover breathing, back floats, – plus more water safety skills.

I’ve talked about water safety before in previous Goldfish posts (you can read them here, here, and here), but after reading about Bode & Morgan Miller’s daughter last month I’m even more vigilant about water safety.

In the 4 weeks that we’ve been back in the Mini 2 class, Isla has progressed to kicking and pulling on her own, almost reflexively which is so impressive!  We’ve noticed her practicing these skills in the shallow pool at the local splash pad pool here, she knows to keep her mouth closed and head above water.  Obviously none of these things replace close, constant supervision…but it’s a step in the right direction.

Jeremy and I are still switching off who gets to get in the water with her each class, since it is a lot of fun.  On top of the safety skills we’re learning, we often end up laughing a lot – it is great bonding time.

We’re enjoying watching her continue to progress, and have fun!

If you’re looking for swim lessons for your water babies (or big kids), you can find a local Goldfish Swim School at their center locator, and more information below:

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Have you had an awesome experience at Goldfish Swim School?  Would love to hear your stories in the comments!

The post Mini 2 Class at Goldfish Swim School appeared first on Smiedendipity.

It was so much fun.  After practice, they open up the field to the families to run around.  We weren’t able to get Isla onto the field because it was pushing bedtime and she was super grumpy.  We did get some cute shots of her in the stadium though, she was so curious about the field!

We also got to take a peek at the Jack Roth Stadium Club!  It is a bucket list item to watch a game from here one day.

Our little lady had a great time, and a few epic meltdowns.  Regardless, we’re not-so-secretly hoping that someday she’ll be a student here.

It is looking like it will be a great season, and we can’t wait until kickoff on Saturday.  Happy college football season, friends!  GO BLUE!

The post Sunday Funday at the BIG HOUSE appeared first on Smiedendipity.

Just kidding, my organizational style right now is “toddler tornado”.  This freakishly organized place only exists in my head, and on Pinterest.

Our 1900 “we don’t own many things so we don’t need places for stuff” farmhouse doesn’t leave us with many places to put anything.  I’m a firm believer that this has led to a lot of the frustration we’ve experienced with our house – we feel like we’re tripping over each other, and all of the “stuff”.

One of the many lacking areas is counter space in the kitchen.  There were so many things just hanging out there.  We go through a lot of produce in our house, and half of it doesn’t need to be refrigerated, so we’ve always kept it on the counter in a wire basket.

It was cute at first, I thought.  That didn’t last long before I realized that we were just consolidating the clutter into one bigger basket of clutter, so we had to find another solution.

Source: Target

We have a blank wall in our pantry, so I wanted to use that vertical space by hanging storage baskets.  I searched online and in stores for a few months before running across the perfect one: the Threshold 3-slot wire basket with hooks.

I needed more than three baskets, so I bought two of these with the intention of hanging one on top of the other.  I only wanted hooks on the bottom baskets, so we removed the hooks on one of the two.  They were surprisingly easy to twist and snap off of the bottom, without damaging the baskets themselves.  Super easy!  I love having the hooks there to hang our reusable shopping bags.

I’ve been playing around with the idea of chalkboard labels for each of the bins, but haven’t committed yet because we tend to buy different kinds of produce depending on the season.

The farm fresh sign was something I painted at a pallet party that my sister-in-law hosted last Mother’s Day – we were able to pick the design we wanted, and I chose this one with the pantry in mind.  It was a blast to make, and fits the space perfectly.

Hanging them was simple, and now we have the perfect storage solution.

Have a great week!

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